First date etiquette, Part 2

So now you've arrived at your date, you've ordered a drink, you're chatting, enjoying yourself (or not), what now?  Oh, young one, so much more to learn.

Rule #4... Don't talk about yourself too much.  And this one is just so obvious and so cliche, but you'd be surprised how easy it is to break it when you get uncomfortable and nervous and you run out of things to say... you just randomly start telling stories about work or you and your friends drinking too much, or your CAT (yikes), whatever comes to mind.  Stay calm, if you've read this, you've done your homework, and your homework is the following.  Allow the date to take a natural progression, but go in with four or five easy topic starting questions.  These questions can't be too crazy (If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?  WHAT?), but they can't be too basic either (Where are you from?  Oh, wait, you told me that an hour ago...).  I always like to go with a few of the following...
1.  "Did you play any sports in high school?" -- if they did, work off that.  You can talk about what position they played, how long they played, if they grew up playing that, if they ever dreamed of being a professional curler/bowler/lacrosse player or whatever their sport may be...
2.  "It's been so long since I've seen a good show, have you been to any good concerts lately?" -- if no, "what was the last concert you've been to?" or "what was your favorite concert you've ever been to?" -- it's a better question than, "so what type of music do you like?"...I hate that question, it's so cold and icy.  Feels like an interview or a speed date.  Weird!
3.  "So have you see the Avengers yet?  I've been meaning to go see it, I just haven't had time." -- if yes, he'll usually give you some insight about what it was like, so you'll get to hear him describe something in detail which for a GUY to give DETAILS... pretty good, we all know men are not stereotypically known as the detail sex.  It will give you some hint as to whether he's a movie buff or not, what he liked about it can give you an idea of what type of movies he likes.  If he DIDN'T like it, you can ask him, so what type of movies DO you like then?  Perfectly appropriate follow up!  If he hasn't seen it yet (and this is key!), the follow up to that is clearly, "we both haven't seen it, let's go this weekend!"
4.  "Have you been to that new restaurant, _______?  I hear it's really good." Same concept as above.  All the same follow up strategies.  The key HERE is that you don't use both of these too close together.  Use one of them only, or if you use both, make sure you use them far, far apart or it will seem like you're just drilling him about his recent whereabouts.  And once again, this is great for setting up a second date...
5.   "If you could work somewhere forever and not have to worry about money, I'm guessing it's not where you work now, right?  What would you do?"  -- I absolutely LOVE this question.  I ask this even when I'm not having conversation lulls.  This will tell you where their passion lies.  I went on dates with unmotivated guy after passionless guy until I just couldn't take it anymore.  What is their passion?  What do they absolutely LOVE?  If this doesn't get them really talking, absolutely nothing will. 

Rule #5... Avoid certain topics in conversation.  Unless directed toward certain topics, you really should not bring them up.  Just about the worst question I've ever been asked on a date is, "are you close with your parents?"  OK.  The answer to that is a resounding YES, however, what if the answer is NO?  Do you want to open that can of worms on the first date?  WEIRD!  I don't even really ask if they have any brothers & sisters.  You just never know.  A sibling in jail or recently dead, I mean what the heck!  There is possible baggage bullets left and right.  If they bring it up, fine, they're clearly ok spilling guts on date one, but I'm not workin it out of them... no thank you.  Say, for example, you go on a date with someone who you realize by the end of the date, you never want to see again... but throughout the date, you told them you used to have an eating disorder, and that your brother is in rehab (that is nobody I know, I just made that up, for the record)?  What a waste of a venting sesh.  You just spilled to this total STRANGER.  Weird!  Just avoid personal things like that.  It's not worth it.  I would say family, sex, bars/drinking excessively, religion... generally off limits, unless you work in one of those industries.

Rule #6... EYE CONTACT!!!  I really cannot stress this one enough.  Most likely you will be going to a place that is pretty public, there will be people walking by your table, other people eating/drinking, possibly TVs on, etc.  You are there for one reason; to get to know the person in front of you who, for all you know, could be THE ONE! (Insert "AWWWWWW" here).  I judge their eye contact, too.  My friend told me she went on a date with a guy who would absolutely NOT stop watching a game on the TVs and was incredibly rude to her, then didn't understand why she didn't want to see him again.  Uhhhh come on fella.  And how many of us have caught our dates checking out other people WHILE we're on a date?  I'm not unrealistic, I'm not the most beautiful woman on earth, there will be ladies my man will want to eye from time to time.  However, when you're trying to get to know someone, and you're sitting there face to face trying to learn about them... can you focus for like, two hours please??  If not... see ya.  Put your phone AWAY and the sound OFF, focus on the person you're with, avoid distractions, and give it the ol' college try to get to know them.

Rule #7... Don't try to test them.  I hate how people think, "well, if I tell them this stuff right away, and it doesn't scare them off, then they must be able to handle me."  Uh, no, quite frankly, I think anyone willing to spill personal beans to a perfect stranger is a freak, no matter how bad or good those personal beans may be.  I love my boyfriend, but he told me a lot on our first date.  Thankfully, since we were already Facebook friends (I know, I broke my own rule, but if you read What a Mighty Good Man, you'll know why, and btw for a treat, our FB convo, LOL!  I'm such a schmoozer)...

so I already knew part of it, and I wasn't too scared off.  But seriously, that whole thing like, "I just want to be upfront with you about my situation," unless your situation is that you're married and shouldn't be on the date in the first place... NO need to unleash the skeletons just yet.  As I said in Rule #5, do you even like this person yet?  Make sure they're worth it first.  Date 3 is when you can start sharing some details about some of the personal things that are going on.  I don't think you need to tell them you're divorced, and quite frankly, I don't think you have to tell them you're a parent!  You don't really know you like someone until a few dates in.  And you aren't invested yet, so they can still walk away at that point if they're deal breakers.  Give it enough time to decide if their character is worth it enough to tell them those private things about your life.  

WHEW, hope you've learned something.  Part 2, in the books.