The "L" word

The "L" word is such a funny thing.  People are SO on edge about it, men and women alike.  I love the excitement surrounding it, sort of, but I also think it's just so crazy how much drama goes into it.  I love love love telling my boyfriend I love him.  I really do feel it every time I say it.  I hate getting into a routine of saying it every time we hang up the phone or say goodbye to eachother, but we sort of did fall into that routine.  I was afraid at first that it would feel TOO routine, like we had to say it, and then if we were in an argument or something, it would hurt that much more that we didn't say it when we hung up or something.  I don't know, as I said before, it's crazy the drama surround the the "L" word.

The even more interesting thing is saying it for the first time.  I think people really get wrapped up in it.  It's definitely an exciting time at the beginning of a relationship, falling in love with someone, starting to get comfortable with someone and learning eachother, etc.  So, how soon is too soon?  And when is the right time?  There really is no right answer for this.  I mean, there REALLY IS no right answer.  I'm going to give you my perspective on it because, quite frankly, this is my blog and that's what I do.  You may or may not agree, but this is my story and my observations combined to form my opinion.

I think women get into relationships thinking, I'm not going to say it until he says it.  And I really think a lot of us want to stick to those guns, and then I think nearly all of us break and say it first.  Which is fine in the end because I ALSO think that more men are afraid of "rejection" than women are in that situation.  I could be wrong, but I think the men are PERFECTLY FINE waiting it out forever if the woman doesn't say it first.  We put too much effort and worry into the wait and we forget to just enjoy the relationship!  Anyone who has been in a relationship for a long time (at just over 8 months, I'm not yet lumping myself into that category...) knows that you do later miss the early parts of the relationship, so why rush that stuff?  The "L" word, the moving in together, the BUYING PETS together (if THIS isn't just the biggest mistake EVER...), I think part of the reason so many relationships, especially marriages, fail can be traced back to the fact that people just simply got caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, did all the exciting stuff first, and completely forgot to really get to know eachother.

There are a few fears about the timing of saying it... saying it too soon can for sure scare a guy off.  I mean, really scare a guy off (or a girl, don't want to be one-sided on this I suppose).  If they don't love you back, or even if they do, they can also give you one of those awkward replies, "thank you" or "I like you" or just a silent smile... I really cannot give any advice on this because my best advice is to wait until they say it first, but if I'm giving that advice to everyone, there would be no more first "L" words in the world.  Everyone would be in an "L" word stand-off forever.  I think sometimes, though, you say it to someone, and then look back and realize it wasn't really love and in those instances, you really wish you would have waited.  It's not so much that there should be rules on telling someone you love them, we should be able to just tell someone when we feel it, but for so many reasons, that just never seems to work out well, blurting out "I LOVE YOU!" to someone when they aren't expecting it. 

Also, just as a side note, please don't ever do one of those casual I love yous when you guys are, say, laughing about something, or whatever you're doing.  I hate that!  Then it's confusing, did it slip out?  Did you really mean it, like, LOVE?  Or are you just saying it like, you love your buddies, like "I love you man?"  It's confusing.  Trying to be all cool about it is so wrong.  I had a friend whose guy did that and I was like... wow, DICK MOVE.  Because then she didn't know what to do!  AWKWARD.

I can't say I'm perfect regarding this and following my own advice, either.  I think my boyfriend and I are guilty of the "L" word after about 3 and a half months.  Now, we definitely did have a bit of a whirlwind relationship in the beginning, spending day after day with eachother, the personal situations that were going on in our lives that I think brought us closer together quicker, and just the general complete honesty we have with eachother, about everything. I was TOTALLY that girl that said I wouldn't say it until he did, and then said it first, but, then later asked him if I hadn't said it, how long would it have been before he said it and he said probably a long time!  So... I think I was right.  We had this joke, he would always say, "I kinda like you, babe..." and I would jokingly pout, "just kinda?"  And he'd sorta say, "Yeah, I guess," with a smile.  One night (pre-"L"-word) I left my phone at his house and I realized it as soon as I got home.  I had no way to contact him but thru Facebook and he didn't even realize I had left if there until the next morning when my phone alarms started going off.  He took it to work, charged it for me while he was there, and met me over lunch downtown to return it to me.  He changed my background to this:

 

A sticky note he had written to me... Usually the "kinda like you" thing would bum me out, but this time I loved it.  It wasn't the words, it was the actions.  Eventually, I said it, and he said it back, and it was just perfect, but it's one of those things, there is no right answer...